Ashley Cole Shoots - It's in the Back of the Neck!

Written by Roy Turse

Sunday, 27 February 2011


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Stamford Bridge: Where Ashley Cole keeps his Arsenal

As a defender, Ashley Cole doesn't get many shooting opportunities. So when one comes along he tries to make it count.

At a training session last weekend, it has been reported that the Chelsea player accidentally shot and injured a student with an air rifle. The News of the World said that Cole had been messing about with the loaded weapon in the dressing room when it suddenly discharged and injured a work placement student. The student, who was bleeding profusely and in agony, was patched up by the club staff.

The weapon appears to have belonged to Cole, and is one of the most powerful available without a firearms license.

A spokesman for the club said that the Police had not been involved. "We felt that this was an unfortunate incident but it occurred in a world that is not quite like real life. Premiership footballers aren't really the same as other people; they're more like characters in a film or a comic. As such, they are not subject to the usual rules, or the law of the land. The young lad who was injured understands this and is not pressing charges."

Yesterday, a press release from the club said that the student had been picked to play for the first eleven when Chelsea face FC Copenhagen in the Champions League on March 16th.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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