Watered down measures at cheap alcohol - Government feared more student riots

Funny story written by Tommy Twinkle

Wednesday, 19 January 2011

Taking a few minutes to speak to the press outside 10 Downing Street this morning before heading off to Parliament, Prime Minister David Cameron stopped to provide a short explanation for why the coalition government had decided to only implement watered down measures in tackling the binge drinking problem.

The binge drinking phenomenon is believed to be at least partly caused by the availability of very cheap alcohol being sold in our shops and supermarkets.

"Nick and I," said Mr. Cameron, "decided to sit down together to look at the whole thing soberly a few days ago after we'd seen all those riots going on in Tunisia on television. Nick pointed out to me how our students like to wind down at weekends with a few drinks, and how we'd already recently upset them what with the student grants thing.

"We want to avoid any more protests what with important events coming up in the capital like the Royal wedding and the London marathon this spring so we decided to bring in next to nothing in the way of changes for now.

"Neither Nick or I feel particularly keen to visit Saudi Arabia for our holidays this year - Samantha wants to go to Florida and Miriam's been looking through some travel brochures for the island of Guernsey apparently.

"We think the measures we've taken are plenty strong enough given the current situation abroad.Thank you.Have a nice day chaps."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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