Written by IainB

Monday, 17 January 2011

image for Right To Life Barricade Jelly Baby manufacturer
What kind of creature is a Jelly Baby?

Harry-Beau, the makers of the popular confectionery, Jelly Babies, are suffering currently after a series of serious attacks from Right To Life, the anti-abortion group.

Right To Life appear to have got the wrong end of the stick from a recent advertising campaign from Harry-Beau in which they show Jelly Babies having their heads ripped off in quick succession. Cars have been firebombed, the factory barricaded by thirty tonnes of sheep intestines and threatening letters have been sent to the Harry-Beau directors.

The commercial in question showed happy playing Jelly Babies in a jelly park until big hands come in and rip heads off leaving mutilated Jelly Babies lying amid the swings, slides and roundabouts accompanied by high pitched screams and the strap line "Eat them your way".

"It has made us seriously rethink the entire advertising campaign," said marketing manager Johnny Rubberstein. "The next commercial was going to show a similar scene, but legs would be gnawed away by visiting giant children. The Jelly Babies would be left dragging themselves around by stumpy arms, or in wheelchairs."

Right to Life spokesman, Anne O'Namous, who cannot be named for spelling reasons, denies that the attacks are anything to do with their group, despite the large plastered "Right To Life" posters around the scenes of carnage.

"However, we applaud the individuals who have done this," she said, narrowing down her identity by fifty percent. "The adverts are disgusting and offensive, and should be stopped."

Instead, Harry-Beau are considering an alien abduction campaign in which the Jelly Babies are snatched from their jelly existence to be probed and ultimately eaten by visiting aliens.

"Hopefully, this will be less offensive to the easily offended," said Rubberstein.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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