HM The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh are to climb fifty foot extension ladders in the first ever festooning of Windsor Castle with Christmas lights.
In what is viewed as an expression of solidarity with a Berkshire man banned from lavishly decorating his home with the festive bulbs, the Queen has decided to draw a line under the anti-Christmas conundrum and fix up the castle 'like Piccadilly Circus, only with unicorns and lions instead of logos.'
The Queen is a great fan of the holiday season, which she celebrates by lulling the nation to sleep by delivering the same speech year after year. A courtier said She is also a firm, if increasingly lonely, believer in the divine right of Kings and feels the 65,234,321 strings of lights will send a message to Berkshire council that "one can't hide one's light under a bushel" and "it's time to put the wattage back in the Wassail."
In a deft move, she has convinced the Prince of Wales to green up the project by mounting stationary cycles with Camilla, Duchess of Co-Respondent, to provide the power to keep the castle lit each night through the season.
"Ideally," said the aide, "he'll be so tuckered out by about the 7th of December he won't have the breath to give any more unfortunate interviews. Everyone here thinks it's a brilliant idea, and the admission fee ought to help pay for the wedding. Of course, there's a risk the castle could be mistaken for Heathrow, but that's why we've got a line of succession, innit?"
