Ex Guantanamo Bay detainees to help fund Irish bail-out

Funny story written by Deafo

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

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Around a dozen men left colour blind during an all expenses paid trip to Guantanamo Bay who later went on to accuse the British security forces of colluding in their subsequent torture, are to donate the millions they receive in compensation from the UK government to help fund the EU's bailout of Ireland.

The men, all British citizens or residents, who were detained at the prison camp in Cuba confirmed the gesture upon news of their payout.

The offer does, however, have some conditions.

Binyam Mohamed said, 'we would hope that the Irish would cede some of their traditions as a mark of gratitude to us. Traditions such as day light drunkenness and more importantly, playing sporting competitions in green. Green just has to go'

'Since being released from Guantanamo Bay, myself and my comrades, have been diagnosed as colour blind due to the glare from the orange jump suits we were forced to wear. It is particularly difficult for us to distinguish between the colours green and brown, so we are requesting that all Irish sports kits be changed to a jumpy orange.'

EU officials have seen this as the green light to weigh in and demand some changes of their own.

A Strasbourg spokesperson said, 'these Cuban boys have really made fools of us. They've shown hard-nosed business acumen in getting what they want from the Irish. Our set of requirements will now be released before the end of the week, prior to any funds being exchanged.'

These are set to include changes to insure all turnips sold are exactly 360 degrees and that kiwi's are only sold in a 'hair-less' state.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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