Cow's arse hit with banjo

Funny story written by Rudolph Schlong

Sunday, 14 November 2010

image for Cow's arse hit with banjo
Cows - No sense of humour but taste good

A six year old Friesian cow was recovering today after its arse was repeatedly hit by a mysterious banjo wielding maniac.

It had been grazing in a field when the attacker approached it from behind and started beating its backside with the spherical stringed instrument.

The incident was witnessed by a tractor driver who was sat on the other side of the field eating his lunch.

'There I was minding my own business, chewing on a cheese and pickle sandwich when out the corner of my eye I spied this chap appear from behind a hedge.'

'He looked around for a minute then he started walking very slowly towards a cow that was all on its own with its back to this fellow.'

'All of a sudden he pulls out what looked like some kind of musical instrument and started thrashing it against the cow's rear end. The poor old cow just stood there in complete shock as this lunatic swung the banjo several times using more and more force with every hit.'

'I didn't know what to do so I just sat there and watched for five minutes before I thought I should try to stop him and rescue the cow.'

'As soon as he saw me coming towards him in the tractor he dropped his banjo and jumped over the hedge where he got on his bike and escaped down the lane.'

'The cow was shaking with fear when I got to it and the look on its face was something I've never witnessed on a farm animal before.'

'I just hope the police catch that sick bastard before he traumatizes any more cows with his five stringed guitar.'

The owner of the cow was too upset to comment on the incident but a farm spokesperson said 'The cow seems to be fine now but the farmer is making out this is the worst thing that's ever happened to him.'

'I'd like to think he really is that upset about one of his cows but to be honest I think he's just milking it.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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