Chelsea striker Didier Drogba has had treatment for a particularly severe case of 'go-down-in-the-area' according to Blues manager Carlo Ancelotti.
The incurable disease which the majority of over sexed, under performing superstars of the Premier League appear to be inscrutably susceptible to, has had a debilitating effect on the striker since his arrival on British shores in 2005.
Chelsea assistant manager Ray Wilkins said, 'We have known for a long time that something would have to be done as the deterioration has been evident to all in at training. There are numerous Didier Drogba shaped outlines all across the training pitches at Cobham and the groundsmen are furious. He just rolls around like a drunken wildebeest. The symptoms have just got worse and worse, and it's impacting the whole team. It is a complete nightmare, and his form this season is indicative of the amount of time he has spent on the floor. With Didier, when he see's green, he goes down.'
The Ivorian Coast marksman was reportedly seen rolling around on the floor of various parks at the weekend, and it is thought the disease could have been contracted from a discarded syringe at one of those locations.
'It would be easy to point the finger at Anfield, and we are delighted to do so.'
A Liverpool spokesman said there is no chance of Anfield being the source of contact.
'You'd have trouble finding a spare one round here to be honest, they are in constant use.'