FA Calls Time On Football Clichés

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Monday, 8 November 2010

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It's a game of two halves, or maybe not. The Football Association has decided to call time on, inarticulate managers, players and pundits who trot out the same tired clichés during post match interviews.

The FA has now released a list of clichés that it no longer deems acceptable, and will be administering punishments that could include: docked wages, or in the worst cases, points deductions.

The Top-Ten banned Cliches are:

1. "At the end of the day…"
2. "eeeeerrrrm…" (particularly when used by Scouse players)
3. "It's all about taking your chances and…"
4. "eerrrr…"
5. "putting the ball in the back of the net"
6. "You can't win matches, if you don't take your chances"
7. "You've got to win your home games"
8. "Keep your feet on the ground and…"
9. "…Not get carried away"
10. "Still, at the end of the day..."

But what will this mean for the country's dullest footballers? Thankfully, the FA has produced a helpful pamphlet with alternative suggestions that include: "As the day draws to a close", "it's all about making the most of one's opportunities" and "It is important to be victorious when one plays at home."

At the other end of the spectrum, the Press Complaints Commission is considering introducing fines for sports journalists that use unnecessarily effusive language to describe football matches. Superlatives like "sublime" and comparisons to famous Renaissance artists are high on their list of no-nos.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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