UK Slaves Innit?

Funny story written by Herrdoktorfox

Tuesday, 9 November 2010


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Assistant Primark CEO Gurtrot Samra Singe.....all bollocks innit!

According to yet another, 'lurid' (aren't they all) Channel 4 'Dispatches' programme, top selling fashion chains have been selling clothes made using low-pay 'slave labour'!

Now, as every other poverty stricken, overworked Brit knows, the Government would have you believe that the average annual wage in the UK is in excess of £25,000....not!! One merely has to check any private sector worker's wage slip to ascertain the true NET weekly wage.... given that most are on minimum wage to start with! Once punitive tax, national insurance and dodgey Union fee's are deducted then the average working 'serf' is left with an hourly rate bordering on £2.25p, if they are lucky.....less if under the age of 21!!

Meanwhile, these reported 'slaves'- all of whom are working in Leicester, one of a growing number of ex 'UK' towns where carrying a British passport is now mandatory- are lording it up on £2.50 per hour cash in hand and tax free plus, of course, assorted 'benefits', paid for by the afore mentioned poverty stricken Brits!!

Complaints about fire exits being blocked and toilets overflowing are nothing new as anyone slaving away at Tesco, ASDA, Morrisons, Sainsbury's - to name but a few- will attest to.

As for the Co-op, they have yet to install staff toilets in any of their stores as existing working conditions are still firmly entrenched in the 18th!

Assistant CEO for Primark, Gurtrot Samra Singe commented; "All a lotta bollocks innit, iffin our prices was any bleedin' higher we ain't be selling fuck all and not making the big bucks innit. The punters can't afford all that poncey shit from the likes of BHS and Marks & Sparks that's why they's always empty. Look cocker, you try getting frew the bleedin' doors of one of our stores any day of the fucking week, we's jam-a-lamb-a-ding-dong wiv unmarried muvvers, chavs and uvver assorted benefit scroungers all spending their ill gotten gains on our crap. Look mate, we even get them old well britched tarts pulling up outside in their chauffeur driven limousins and buying their knicker from us, what does that tell ya about quality on a g-string?

Last week we had that geezer, Lady Ga-Ga in our Stratford Store buying tons of crap ready for his new tour, fucking brilliant endorsement innit, eat yer heart out Kate Moss!!

Nah, these whining wankers in Leicester should count their bleedin' blessings mate, at least they have a fucking job not like a lot of English punters!"

SKY TV News cougar Kay Burley has filled out her application form for a part-time Christmas job at LIDL.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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