Wembley Pitch Transformed Into Traveler Subsivision: Gets Own Zip Code

Funny story written by Morse

Friday, 18 June 2010

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Wheelie Bins Prior to Installation on Whembley Pitch: Home Sweet Home!

A routine check by a security guard at Wembley Park revealed the startling fact that over the weekend, with people's attention diverted to the world cup, a traveling band of gypsies had taken over the pitch and set up residency.

The pitch, encompassing 8,625 square yards, had been painstakingly subdivided into approximately 700 15x20 square foot plots allowing for passage ways, and a wee bit of garden on each plot.

Sometime during the early morning of June 12, with Brits distracted by World Cup Mania, all the sod was easily removed, as it had never taken root anyway according to Footballer John Terry, and a continuous pour commenced with a horde of Irish masons, recruited for the scheme, promptly laid up batter boards and poured housing pads.

Using a quick cure formula invented by Concrete Magnate Fergus McCarthy, within 2 hours the slabs had reached 90% of their maximum curing rate, thereby saving over 27 days before construction could commence.

Following the slabs, another endless line of Wheelie Bin Dumpster trucks appeared, and construction workers using 3 1/2 'red heads' bolted the bins to the slabs making them hurricane proof, and certainly more impervious to storms then the bins in Haiti.

Using Nigerian Horticulturists working Like a horde of ants, the salvaged sod was then laid properly including irrigation and sprinkling systems fed from the 2618 toilets in the stadium.

Estate Agents, hastily set up at the entrance to the stadium, began taking cash, issuing land titles, and providing release of lien waivers from contractors thereby clearing up any chance of clouded titles should the sales be later contested.

By 10 p.m. on the evening of Sunday June 13 approximately 3500 residents were tucked into their bins and most were sleeping soundly, with lids propped up slightly ajar to encourage some evening breezes to sweep through their new quarters.

Despite some condominium laws on the books of the Home Owner's Association, some enterprising residents, ardent practitioners of DIY, were already hard at work by Monday morning in the process of adding a second bin to the first and one could notice already a proliferation of two story duplexes springing up, along with the resulting escalation of prices.

On Saturday, initial offerings of the abodes were selling for $25,000, by Sunday, prices had climbed to $45,000, and by Monday night, some 2nd story walk up flats had risen to $75,000 with more buyers than sellers.

Rustania "Rusty" Romanov, head of the Home Owner's Association said he was getting worried, "If we're not careful, we could be creating an unsustainable dustbin bubble...thank God we've got the IMF to back us up in case we get in trouble!"

According to Council Officials nothing can be done under European Union Human Rights Laws. "Everyone is entitled to a place to live, even if it's on someone else's property, " said Dillard "Dill" Pickle , Dust Bin Director at a salary of $275,000 a year. Pickle said he would be petitioning the Council for an increase to his budget by 60%, "after all, there's a lot more dustbins to be looking after now, and a few new regulations to be written...I'll probably need some help, and besides, I've got a few friends and distant cousins that could use the work."

Soccer Officials said the take over of Wembley all but assured that the US would win the bid to host the 2018 and 2022 World Cup with a new stadium named after Obama being built in Chicago thanks to a generous contribution from BP after a recent unfortunate accident.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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