Sandhurst stunt sparks security probe into Harry bomb scare

Funny story written by Noddy Bigears

Thursday, 16 June 2005

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The Bomb Dropped When Harry Went Missing

A bomb dropped when Prince Harry was lost in training for over 7 hours yesterday. The Sandhurst alarm bells started ringing after Harry did not return from a rough and tough 5 mile cross country course which would normally take the most able cadets about 40 minutes.

Defence Secretary John Reid demanded an immediate investigation into the security breach and decided to even use the enormous investigative powers of the National newspapers to reveal the whereabouts of the Prince before any terrorist or other action might be taken against the potential heir to the throne. He declared at the press conference "we will not leave a single stone unturned to find this national asset."

For over 5 hours Sandhurst military police searched the grounds using highly trained sniffer dogs after priming their noses with presumed articles of Harry's clothing. Unfortunately, even the most able canine friends only eventually made a lead to Harry's luxury en-suite apartment where his personnel butler was preparing the Prince's wardrobe whilst others found various articles of ladies underwear in the undergrowth and a few chunks of unexploded plastic explosive.

It was at this point that the dynamics of the investigative newspaper journalists were employed as they were urgently parachuted into the area surrounding the Sandhurst Leisure Park for Young Gentlemen as they had been previously rounded up from various West London pubs and clubs searching for the next media explosion. Simultaneously, early editions of all newspapers were released sporting a full front page picture of the young Prince with a handy free phone number for text or other messages from members of the public in case nobody had ever seen his picture before.

One of the first to call, Martha Haggis from Scunthorpe thought that she had seen somebody similar to the Lost Prince swimming out to sea but the subsequent helicopter search revealed it to be a South American Black Eared Tufted goat. Police arrested Johnny Crabtree after he had phoned in and claimed to be the Lost Prince. The police spokesman explained "It was obvious in the end that somebody with a Mandarin face and one leg was not the Prince but the red hair and posh accent had us fooled for the first 30 minutes."

Thousands of other calls led to similar dead ends and hopeless claims, possibly the worst being a call from South Western Australian Aboriginal Martin Walkaboutthe Bush who claimed "Come quickly, the young Prince is being carried off by a Crocodile." or maybe most useless was from North Atlantic Finish salmon fisherman Yokell Bagstorm who texted the help line "Are there anymore tickets for Bob Geldhofs' bomb concert?"

Thorough interviews with the military police on the gates did not disclose any further leads or clues to the mystery disappearance. However, the total and utter panic subsided dramatically when the young Prince was seen staggering totally drunk towards the entrance gates accompanied by one of his best friends and journalist from the Sun Newspaper who had smuggled the Prince out dressed as a Peruvian washer woman. As the drama subsided, it turned out that the Sun Newspaper will be shortly running a series of the use and fabrication of home made media bombs for public and terrorist entertainment and had encouraged Officer Cadet Prince Harry to co-write the series to be called ‘Prince Harry Blows Up The Media Bang Bang'.

However, a MOD spokesman statement later released declared "there was never any risk that Harry would have been able to release any classified information that could create any threat to him as firstly, he was completely paralytic and incoherent and secondly, he has not been to the library since he has been here."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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