WASHINGTON (AP) There was heightened security in the nation's capital for the inauguration of President Bush. All branches of the armed services including the Coast Guard were on hand to make sure that terrorists did not spoil the ceremonies marking the beginning of the second term of President Bush. Snipers were on all rooftops, jet interceptors swooped the skies and high-speed boats patrolled the tidal basin.
But absolutely no one foresaw the possibility that Godzilla would show up and ruin the day. At daybreak, the huge fire breathing monster climbed out of the Potomac River, stepped on several cars on the 14th Street Bridge, and made its way for Pennsylvania Avenue. All attempts to get Godzilla to stop for a security check were futile.
Republican planners for the inauguration seemed reluctant to alter any of their plans even as Godzilla set scores of building on fire with his hot stinking breath. All spectators along the path of destruction were completely grossed out by stench of Godzilla's fire breathing. "Can't John Ashcroft do something about this?"
At the Pentagon, Defense Secretary Rumsfeld huddled with top generals to plan on how they would catch Godzilla. Several military planners reported that only 312 Marines were left in the country---the rest were in Iraq. The Air Force was similarly tied up in the Middle East. Several phone calls seeking assistance from France and Germany were unanswered. Various sources say that several dozen crop dusting airplanes are being mobilized to attack Godzilla. One military aide said, "That's all we could come up with!"
As we go to press, it remains uncertain whether the actual swearing in ceremony will take place. Godzilla is making slow and steady progress towards President Bush and seems intent on incinerating the president before he has a chance to accept the oath of office.
In his Senate office, John Kerry kept several phone calls going with mysterious Japanese agents. Senator Kerry assured reporters that he was just making arrangements for dinner at a local Sushi restaurant.