Back to the Future: Harriers Junked, Refurbished Spitfire Squadrons Assigned to New Carriers!

Funny story written by Morse

Sunday, 17 October 2010

image for Back to the Future: Harriers Junked, Refurbished Spitfire Squadrons Assigned to New Carriers!
Clegg: We're Going Back to Basics Regarding National Defense!

In a financial and military defense accommodation arrived at after intense internal debate, the Coalition has announced it will go ahead with the construction of two new aircraft carriers, but that they will be stocked with WWII fighter planes to keep costs 'manageable.'

The HMS Queen Elizabeth, scheduled for delivery in 2015, and the HMS Prince of Wales, scheduled for 2018, got the 'green light' after a decision was reached to scrap further production of the famous Harrier GR7 'Jump Jets', and the cost cutting of Catapults on the ships to launch new 'fast movers' which have been deemed 'redundant.'

According to Nick Clegg, outspoken advocate of world peace and appeasement, "the savings will be enough to enable us to proceed with the new ships."

"By bringing the Hurricanes and Spitfires out of retirement, and having them refurbished, we can eliminate the costly catapults, and even remove one of the turbine engines from the ships as it has been proven the piston propelled planes can launch themselves easily into an 8 knot wind."

With each ship scheduled to carry 50 attack planes, Clegg said by scouring old war museums, barns in Wales, and the Isle of Wight WWII theme park, the military can easily come up with 'at least 124 remnants of WWII, and enough parts to keep them running!"

Clegg said there were many more cost savings to be realized with the decision.

"First off, we don't need high priced officers to fly the things. In the Great War they put enlisted men in the cockpits...cheaper salaries, lower overhead, and God knows, much more sense wasting our 'best & brightest' when they're need here at home to help direct the country!"

"Secondly, Technology has come a long way. We can go to Costco and buy a perfectly good GPS for about $125 to replace all that costly junk in those noisy jets not to mention we have plenty of .307 ammo hanging around in warehouses in Ireland just waiting to be put to good use....this is a 'win-win' for the country as we fight our way out of this economic mess created by that Scottish Bloke.....!"

According to a spokesman for eBay, there has been a rash of requests from the civilian UK population requesting information on purchasing used Flak Balloons to signal their support of the cost cutting measures.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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