Written by Jaggedone

Monday, 11 October 2010

image for The recession hits funerals in the UK, coffins are now being dropped instead of lowered, it saves time!
The UK will being seeing a lot more of these quicker, damn recession!

The recession is biting the UK very hard and the latest cut-backs are hitting those companies involved in the "dead end" business, funeral services.

The latest cut-backs involve getting the coffin as quick as possible into the hole, this saves time and money according to funeral services spokesman, Mr Archibald Scroogebones-Tomb.

This new method was put into practice at a funeral in Norwich while the shocked family watched as their great grand Granny was dumped in the hole not lowered.

A.Scroogebones-Tomb representing the funeral company involved explained, "if we lower every coffin it takes 2 minutes, if we bung em in it takes 5 seconds, time is money mate even if your dead!"

The families at the lower end of the price ranges suffer the most because the coffins are mainly made of chipboard and rusty nails and tend to crack open whilst landing.

The Norwich family were saved the indignity of seeing their great grand Granny hanging out, but there have been reports of slightly shocked families having seen their dead relatives with their legs and arms appearing through cracks.

A grave digger called Arthur Dogandbones explained, "what's the problem once your down there there's no way out anyway" quite right Sir!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: recession, Funeral




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