Commonwealth Swimmers get Delhi Belly

Written by Xavier

Thursday, 7 October 2010

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Was illness caused by Australian follow-through?

Commonwealth Games Federation president Michael Fennell has said he is worried about the number of swimmers who are becoming ill in Delhi.

Over 50 swimmers have become unwell after competing at the Mukherjee Aquatics Complex. The complex named after the mounds of floating pigeon shit which swimmers have to avoid is at the centre of an investigation into the illness.

Mohamed Singh, the complex health and safety officer claims that most of the illness followed an incident where an Australian swimmer with Dehli Belly farted in the water and suffered a calamitous follow through which clouded the water for three days. He claims that it was this cheek parting explosion which contaminated the water.

Sheilah Darwin, the swimmer involved, denied eating a tainted curry the night before, even though several grains of rice were recovered from the pool and from her swimsuit.

The Indian Drug Testing squad say that they will be testing all athletes for traces of illegal spices and organic residues and issued the following list of banned substances;

Anise, Bengal Gram, Black Pepper, Cardamom, Cassia, Celery, Chillies, Cinnamon, Cloves, Coriander, Cumin, Curry, Dill, Fennel, Fenugreek, Garlic , Ginger, Mace, Mustard, Nagkeser, Nutmeg, Onion, Poppy, Red Pepper, Salt, Trifala, Turmeric, White Pepper

Any swimming records gained which are wind assisted will be disallowed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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