'General Election Void' says Boris

Funny story written by j.w.

Monday, 4 October 2010

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Boris shocks the Tory Conference

Boris Johnson told a shocked Conservative Party Conference today that the General Election must be declared void.

To gasps of incredulity Boris said that if a majority of those entitled to vote did not vote for a particular party then there could not be a winner.

'If the majority of people on the voters roll didn't vote then no one wins and 'Don't Knows' and 'Won't Votes' will take over' he declared.

A person trying to avoid me when I wanted to discuss the Boris proposal said 'No comment' to my question whether he voted in the last election. Another said 'Vote for those creeps, no thanks.' Asked if he would like to take over the reins of power he said 'I don't know.'

Commentators have seen this move by Boris as the first indication that he will be standing for the Prime Minister's job in due course. Calculating that a majority of the electorate will vote for him Boris sees himself in 10 Downing Street in no time.

Support for Boris, however, came from an unexpected quarter when the Chairman of the Federation of British Industry (FBI) supported Boris, although he felt that if 40% of the electorate voted for a party then that would be enough. They commented: 'Boris is going too far with his 50% target, but it is logical.'

Ken Livingstone, Labour contender to take Boris's job as Mayor of London has challenged Boris to step down. 'A majority of those who could vote in London did not vote for Boris. By his own calculations he is as void as the Government.'

So Britain is poised on a precipice with the Boris calculation difficult to avoid.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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