Ryde, Isle of Wight - Dozens of people were today named and shamed by Mrs Elsie Bickerstaff of Jockey Mount, Ryde.
It has not been clearly ascertained at this point exactly what the people who Mrs Bickerstaff named were being shamed about, as she was miming the indiscretions and doing a lot of pointing. (With her fingers - not trowelling cement into the gaps between the bricks of her house. Not that kind of pointing. Probably gesticulating would have been a more appropriate term, but it's too late now.)
Among the named and shamed, were Ryde's first openly gay mayor, Vernon Adcock. According to sources, Mayor Adcock was most put out that Mrs Bickerstaff had named and shamed him.
"I don't know why she's named and shamed me," he allegedly told colleagues at a council meeting. "I went out of my way to ensure she got cavity wall insulation, and helped her fill in the forms for a home loan. I pulled all the stops out for that woman, and now she does this to me. The ungrateful old bat."
Another person named and shamed by Mrs Bickerstaff was Ryde kebab shop proprietor, Ali Bullo, who told our reporter:
"It no matter. I no care. She silly old bat. Always talking about local peeps. Her am blinking nut job. For sure."
Other Ryde residents named and shamed by Mrs Bickerstaff were Reg Flagg, Dottie Cardigan, Sharon Stench, Ada Whiplash, and Flossie Cropper.
Mrs Bickerstaff is unrepentant.
More as we get it.
