The socialist dominated sexual health authority has finally been shamed into coming clean about the rectums true purpose by Cammi and Cleggy despite threats from the political correctness brigade of the former labour government and many will be shocked by the frank revelations.
The rectum was designed for the purpose of excretion and for those who have difficulty understanding strange words, it's for the passing of semi solid waste matter. A perfectly natural function that should occur daily without one feeling any discomfort or pain, unless one is severely constipated when it will hurt like bloody hell.
However, when an erect (stiff) penis is inserted into the rectum, a perfectly unnatural practice, pain will be felt and damage will be done to the delicate sphincter muscle that regulates the shit flow. In other words, it stops the bloody stuff falling out and making a mess of the undergarments being worn at the time. It also stinks to high heaven so be warned.
Most dedicated poofters make their own nappies to catch the flow, but the firm of "Crapcatchersunlimited.web.uk" is now selling a new range of fetching nappies over the net, in six exciting pastle shades. An absolute must for the young aspiring arse bandit
A special discounted rate is available to MP's and government ministers in exchange for sole publicity rites when they finally come out of the closet. The firm also sell a range of eregonomically shaped soft rubber bungs in eight shapes and sizes, all washable and dishwasher safe. The largest available in the UK being the ever popular Mandy Bung, retailing at twelve pounds sixty nine pence for a pack of three in a plain brown paper wrapper plus one pound fifteen pence order. These bungs are guaranteed to keep the shit inside and also mask the smell when a little perfume is sprinkled on prior to insertion. As with the female equivalent removal is effected by pulling down on the string with a firm gentle pressure, best done over the netty bowl for obvious reasons.
The company's exclusive brand of frilly knickers all have a double lined cum-catcher at the front for frustrated individuals just in case they lose control when eyeing up a potential victim, or when the copper comes around the corner unexpectedly and they are forced to make a strategic withdrawal before making a run for it.
Those silly outdated indecency laws that Brenda Brown promised to remove from the statute book and conveniently forgot about will remain in force according to the present occupier of number ten.
Any orders over twenty-five pounds will gain the customer automatic membership of the Clapham Common Cottagers Club. A word of warning, however. Those idiot council workers from the EU have trimmed the bushes far too much so be prepared for a severe dose of green knees and beware of voyeurs cruising the perimeter with cameras at the ready.
So remember the motto. Safe sex is the best sex. Free condoms are available to unemployed poofters and rent boys (including alien invaders)at most medical centres. The only stipulation being, they attend the clinic twice a month to be tested for AIDS or Arsehole Injected Death Sentence as it is commonly termed by the straight community.
Now that the moronic political correctness era is thankfully over, please can we call a spade a bloody spade without being labelled a bigot.
