Written by Nick Hobbs

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

image for Shock: More Cloned Food Hits The Shelves.
A vegetarian, yesterday, on hearing the news about cloned Tofu.

After the furor over cloned meat entering the food chain in the United Kingdom, the Food Standards Agency has come under extra pressure with the revelation that cloned Tofu has also been found in supermarkets.

Tofu, which is essentially made by coagulating soy milk and compressing it, has been a staple diet of vegetarians for many years. The cloned variety was manufactured in a lab by wetting cardboard and reconstructing it to look like bean curd.

Whilst the clone looks like spongy fudge and tastes of nothing, just as the real thing does, it has been revealed it has significantly more nutritional value than Tofu, something which deeply concerns the Vegetarian Society.

Mandy Cloud-Dancer, spokeswoman for the VS, told us "we, as free-thinking vegetarians, regard the choice of what we put in our bodies as a highly important issue. We feel cheated that our nutritional balances have been put in jeopardy with this 'back door' manouvre by the meat industry."

We pointed out to the woman that it had nothing to do with the meat industry, but she just kept banging on about how it was evil to eat meat. We left the anemic pasty skeleton to it, and grabbed a MacDonalds on the way home.

FSA spokeswoman, Hannah Daryl, told us "we regret this coming out at such a sensitive time, what with the meat thing and all. If only we could have covered it up a bit longer. The public have a right to be angry, but let's face it, it was over a year ago! No one has died have they?"

The question remains, what can be done to tighten an already taut system? Over tightening may cause breakage, and then what? A flood of below par foods and suspect ingredients? The public have a right to know whats in their food, but this journalist believes sometimes it's perhaps better not to know!

Especially if you eat at the Little Chef.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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