According to a recent survey of 25,000 young men, nearly four in five single blokes aged 18-30 book foreign holidays purely to get their ends away! Seemingly, foreign sunshine leads to 99% of them craving outdoor sex or indeed, sex of any kind, 24/7. All of which puts a totally new slant on the old saying; "There's something in the air!"
The randiest chaps, 37% come from Glasgow where regular home grown sex is in short supply due to the ugly women. This was followed by London, 63% where non-stop sex is a way of life due to the benefits of multiculturalism and surfeit of wine bars, Eastern European scrubbers and cheap supermarket booze!
Most popular overseas destination for a good shag was Spain where, according to serial shagger Brent Hoink,26 "the English birds can't get enough of it and return year after year like lemmings to get their flanges lubricated"
Another veteran of the 'Costa Del Crotch', Raymond Stronk, 21 echoed Brent's words;"Its like a feckin' feeding frenzy all year round mate, the Brit bints no sooner check in and they are dropping their cases and their knickers straight away. Me personally I'll do anything in order to reach me daily quota, but I must confess the 'out of season' crumpet can be a bleedin' bonus"
When asked "why" Raymond enlarged (something he seemed able to do at a moments notice)"well, after all them screaming bloody brats have fecked off after the school holidays all the hen party and mature birds arrive. Most of the older ones are really mad for it and usually leave an 'andsome tip if I bring them off slowly.
We further enquired regarding favourite sexual positions, most young men immediately said,"full penetration with anything breathing and under 69 and definately from behind." Another holidaymaking stud, Cyril Crumps, aged 24 explained,"Well like, I always come over (no pun intended)out of season wiv Ryanair for two non-stop weeks on a cheap deal. As that Irish wanker now charges a quid to use the feckin' crapper I thought I'd get me own back and shag one of his stewardesses at the same time. Seemed reasonable to me and besides, most of them Ryanair birds are up for it anyway, but due to space restrictions in the shithouse it's easier to do em' from behind, especially the ugly ones.
I reckon on a good day I must do around 20-30 birds over the balcony of the hotel, the higher the better as I can get a good view of the pool and any spare that's on the loose for later." It was generally agreed by everyone interviewed that hardly anyone ever leaves the confines of the hotel, or for that matter the bedroom, one of the benefits of going 'All Inclusive' we must conclude?
Spokesperson Ms Divina McTwat 54 said; "It's shame that so many young, virile, well built, well hung,sexually athletic gorgeous young men are going on holiday purely for sex and don't want to take in the local sights.....like my bedroom!!"
Kay Burley is going under cover as a Ryanair Stewardess to check out the toilets, expect her SKY exclusive in a few weeks!
