Horror: Oxfordshire Man Causes "Terrible Shock!"

Written by Nick Hobbs

Saturday, 24 July 2010

image for Horror: Oxfordshire Man Causes "Terrible Shock!"
Fish is a wonderful thing! How could you do it Figgis??

In a shock decision local Oxfordshire man John Figgis decided to have a saveloy, in lieu of his usual fish supper, late last night.

Witness Mandy Simpkins, 29, explained "we were in shock! We were all stood in there queuing when John walked in. He seemed really normal, chatty and all!"

"He was telling me about having to clear his shed this weekend, and how his missus, Barb, was giving him grief to get the spare bedroom decorated, when he reached the front of the queue and flipped!" she continued.

Debbie McIntyre, 16, who was serving Mr Figgis at the time, told us "He just walked up, looked at me with these peircing blue eyes and calmy said 'I'll 'ave me a saveloy tonight, Debs!', I just couldn't believe it, I'll never forget that look!"

Miss McIntyre is receiving counselling from professional people that know about shock and stuff.

The incident has sent shockwaves through the community as local town councillor Tugsly Slenderfoot, 68, told us "We, as a community, are trying to come to terms with this terrible, terrible shock we have recieved. You just don't imagine something like this happening, you see it on the news, but you just don't believe it'll happen in your own backyard!"

"We just need some time to work this through, and we'd appreciate respect from the press to leave us be in this desperate time!"

Figgis had been frequenting the Frying Tonight Fish Emporium every friday for the last 27 and a half years, always ordering a large cod fish supper, with chips and a can of fizzy pop.

The dad of four painter and decorator leaves behind a perfectly good piece of cod and some batter.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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