No more rain this year

Funny story written by j.w.

Saturday, 10 July 2010


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No more rain this year

The Meterology Office has issued a forecast which will cast gloom, if not clouds, over England. No more rain this year!

Farmers will be the first to suffer as crops are burnt to a cinder and animals pass out prematurely.

Politicians are likely to dry up though, bringing much wanted relief to the parched inhabitants of England.

However, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales - who will have ample rainfall - are poised to use the water shortage to lever more power to their countries.

Scottish independence will mean water tankers can sail in daily fleets from Aberdeen. Wales and Northern Ireland will also make contritions for more power and money, with small water supplies.

The Republic of Ireland have angered some by insisting they are paid in Euros for water. 'We know what it is like to go without basic essentials', said a survivor of Ireland's Potato Famine 'now you sons of Cromwell will feel a little of what we experienced.'

Rain dances are being organised in parks throughout England in an effort to encourage elemental forces to allow some rain to fall.

The most shocking news is that football will not be played in England until rain begins to fall, as all pitches become rock hard and water is used for essentials.

The shock of the World Cup fiasco will be as nothing compared with this.

Football clubs are faced with bankruptcy. The players will have their contracts ripped up.

'Let us hope the forecast is wrong' said England former captain and sex symbol John Terry 'after all there were those who said we would do well in the World Cup. I am preparing for the worst and have a job lined up as a stud superintendent on a farm close to the Scottish border, near Gateshead' He smiled strangely as he remarked: 'I am taking my gun with me. I want to keep in the news'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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