Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

image for Cheryl Cole mosquito 'reported dead from food poisoning'
One just like this was found inside her Agent Provocateur panties

London - (The Sting): London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine quacks treating Cheryl Cole's malaria have ordered an autopsy after a dead mosquito was found in the singer's knickers.

The insect's last meal is suspected to have been a succulent morsel from the singer's brazilian area.

Early postmortem indications are that death was a pretty horrible affair.

Cole and her partner Derek Hough had been in Tanzania recently where the infectious disease - caused by a eukaryotic protist of the genus Plasmodium - causes havoc.

The insect-borne parasite is transmitted via mosquito bites and gestates in the human liver before running rampant via the cardiovascular system.

Symptoms include fever, headache - even hallucinations, coma and eventual death.

Cole is said recovering in hospital where doctors have taped surgical mitts onto her hands to stop her scratching the dreadful itch below her bikini line.

Ashley Cole is 69.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Cheryl Cole, Malaria

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