Pope's UK Holiday To Cost Taxpayer £23million

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Monday, 5 July 2010


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A fierce row has broken out over the Pope's planned UK vacation later this year.

It has emerged that the taxpayer is likely to foot the bill for the Papal holiday to the tune of £23 million pounds.


Thomson Holidays spokesman David Tripp said "It's clear that the Pope has been ill advised. We tailor our holidays 'Built With You In Mind'. It's well known that the Pope is a keen club goer and a fan of the German Techno scene. We could have done San Antonio All Inclusive for only £299.00 with free passes to the closing parties at the island's clubs".

Catholic Mary Churchgoer, 56, was appalled at the news. She told us "He clearly hasn't done his homework. Ice Lolly.com has some great deals at the minute. He could have gone to Benidorm or Zante for that sort of money. And it'd be warm. Or he could have paid Capello off. Twice. And, selfishly, he's coming during the school holidays when everyone knows flights are dearer" she moaned.

Hotel chain boss Gavin Alaff, 50, agrees. "We're knocking our Premier Inn rooms out at £29.00 a night. If he slums it and shares with, say, a Choirboy that works out at £14.50 each. This represents real value. If it's good enough for TV funnyman Lennie Hendry then it's surely good enough for him" he argued.

Wetherspoons behemoth Tim 'The Doc' Martins said "The Pontiff could reduce his holiday costs by taking advantage of our Beer and a Burger meal deal for under a fiver. And that includes chips" he went on. "We'd love to see him at our Thursday night Curry Club too. Plus he'd get a free pint of IPA" he continued.

Muslim Imre Varadi, 48, was furious saying "I think it is wholly inappropriate to welcome a Christian to the UK. A country that is, essentially, an Islamic state" he argued.


It's clear that The Pope can make some real savings on the costs of his jolly however. "He should consider going self catering in a B&B or Guesthouse" said Holly Wallaby the head of UK Tourism.

Customs & Excise officials said "The Pontiff should look to make savings by purchasing his fags and rolling tobacco at Duty Free on the way out rather than paying nearly £6 a pack here".
Drinker Gerald Soames told us "He could buy Brand X Brandy at Netto for under 6 quid. He should also look out for 'Early Bird' offers at Toby Carvery".

The Vatican has defended the costs saying "Only 1% of the £23 million pounds is being spent on food, security, policing and ensuring the Pope has a nice time. The majority is to be used as HUSH money to silence reporters in the wake of the recent Catholic priest sex abuse scandal".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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