In a ceremony of awesome splendour, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Upborn crowned the new British monarch yesterday.
Known as King Merry, the new King has acquired great powers. Chancellor Upborn told the former Governor of the Bank of England: 'Like the famous King Canute, who held back the tide, you will manage the financial tide.'
The aim of the new King is to manage greed, so that it is responsible. 'I will regulate things' announced King Merry, from his gilded throne (where he has to sit for some time every day to deal with his constipation). 'I want the future of the country kept in sensible hands. Mine!'
Celebrations on the crowning of the new King are not being observed at Buckinham House. Former favourite contender for the throne, now known as Charles Windsor, ticked off his mother for abdicating. 'You allowed Mervyn Merry to usurp the throne instead of me'.
'I was over a barrel' replied the ex-Queen (now known as Liz Mercury) 'it was King Merry or a welfare benefit reduction.'
'Don't worry, Charles' declared his father 'Merry will fail just like Canute did before him. When he cannot control the financial tide, the country will turn to alternative energy and you will take your rightful place. Or maybe William or Harry'
'I suppose so' said a mollified Charles 'How long is it before the tide comes in?'
'Greed, my dear boy, will be with us as long as we are around. Those twits in the City may have usurped the throne when William and Harry were away in Africa on Safari, but they will be sorry. The tide of history will turn.'
