The royal family will today visit Cumbria to look for Prince Philip.
After having mis-read a news item he mistakenly believed that it was a colonial style shoot. Palace Staff raised the alarm when they found his favourite hunting rifle, and his Landrover Defender were gone. Upon further inspection - they found that he was missing too.
A hastily scribbled note saying "Back soon Darling, just like the old times, gone to bag myself some natives" was found by The Queen on her bedside table. After confirming it had not been faked by one of the many Palace intruders - the Queen revealed it's existence.
Armed Police have once again been rushed to the area, but have been asked to stand down their shoot to kill policy; at there briefing Commander Stern asked his officers to "just try and wing him".
There has been increasing speculation in the Press that Prince Philip has been suffering from Alzheimers disease, but doctors insisted he has always been like that. Police have warned anyone with a dark complexion or a pot belly to stay indoors until the Prince has been returned to his secure environment.