London - (Saddam Ass Mess): Dame Eliza Banningham-Muller is to testify before the Chilcot Inquiry in a gloves-off, no-holds-barred poodle-bash.
The former head of MI5 is to reveal that Tony Blair was paid fifteen million quid by the Ruler of Kuwait to oust Saddam.
"It was a straightforward mercenary hiring," Dame Eliza commented today; "screw any notion of Poodle's statesmanship."
During the 1980s and early 90s Emir Sabah Al-Ahmad Al-Jaber Al-Sabah had lost dozens of lawsuits against American Big Oil about the ownership of lucrative Kuwaiti crude fields and pipelines.
Saddam Hussain's 1990 invasion and annexation of the tiny Gulf emirate made the Emir 'hopping mad' and he sought to recruit some bona fide mercenaries to do the vengeful dirty.
"Al-Sabah already had the Bushes by short and curlies," Dame Eliza added, "because that Arbusto Oil Company collapse had nearly bankrupted Dubya.
"In the end they hired him for a bargain basement figure of $10 million after settling all his cocaine dealing debts."
Dame Eliza is one of six new witnesses testifying before Chilcot.
The others were named today as Great Train robber Ronnie Biggs, Moors Murderer Ian Brady's psychiatrist, Margaret Thatcher's proctologist, the Governor of the Bank of England, convicted London cannibal Dennis Nilsen and Esther Rantzen.