George W. Bush today spoke of his excitement after his first week on the surface of the Moon. The former President emigrated with wife Laura to Earth's nearest neighbor in an attempt to counter his weight problems after his unhealthy diet saw him balloon to 250 pounds.
Now on the lunar surface, where the gravitational pull is a fraction of that on Earth, Bush's weight has dropped to a healthy 42 pounds.
"I haven't felt this good in years," said the 63-year-old. "We have to wear spacesuits all the time, which makes intimate relations with my wife difficult, and the local postal service isn't too great, but I wouldn't be anywhere else."
Bush has been spending his time practicing his golf swing and next month will take part in the televised inaugural Lunar Golf Championship in which he will be the only competitor.
NASA spokesman Dan Robinson said, "There wasn't any intelligent life on the Moon's surface before Bush turned up, and there still isn't."