Emergency services rushed to a house in Bradford this morning after a call from a concerned husband alerted them to the fact that his wife had injured her arsehole after trying to have an enormous dump.
Sarfraz Nawadi called West Yorkshire Ambulance Services at around 2am when it became clear that his wife could not manage to give birth to the stool on her own.
Sarfraz and his wife, Najiba, are both devout M*slims, and this provided an extra problem for the medical staff who attended the scene of the carnage, for they were not allowed by Mu*lim religious law, to look up her burqa.
Instead, they worked almost entirely in the dark, using a complex set of equipment including gigantic forceps in an effort to entice the shite out of its hole. After much pushing and shoving, some shunting, a little churning, and no small amount of twisting and tugging, Najiba finally produced a bouncing baby bab.
"It looks a bit like me!" laughed Sarfraz afterwards.