Derrick Bird - the 'truth'

Funny story written by Phoenix Joe

Saturday, 5 June 2010


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Breaking news seems to indicate that Derrick Bird (the UK's latest in a long line of distinguished mass murderers) was driven to his shooting rampage not by petty annoyances like a family feud or fear of being hounded by the tax man.

Your truth hound and man on the ground, Phoenix Joe can reveal that "Birdy's" uncontrolled rage was caused by far more visceral concerns. Phoenix Joe has spoken exclusively with a 'close friend' of the Cumbrian Sharpshooter.

The truth hound never pulls punches - never shies from the facts, so if dear reader you are of a delicate disposition or one of those folks who really does not want to know the real amount of money the country owes (and your personal share of that debt) or if you have ever uttered the expression 'the government / council should do something about - your man on the ground suggests that you read no further!

The shocking truth is that after watching Lost faithfully for six years, Birdy was unable to understand or deal with the final episode. The friend, who was wearing purple tights, a pink boa and contrasting rubber wellingtons, confided that he and Birdy watched every episode together. "After the last one he just started acting strangely. We always used to go out in his taxi after the show, talk about all the theories we had, pick up a prostitute, kill them and then eat them while trying to figure out what the Smoke Monster was and who Kate would be shagging next week". He added "After the last one he said he just wanted to get a bag of chips and go to bed".

So once again Phoenix Joe, your truth hound and man on the ground can reveal the almost unbelievable truth. Following his disappointment with the final show, and a few weeks of trying to make sense of the story Derrick Bird cracked, removed his 'single barreled shot gun with telescopic sights' from its secure locker and began shooting up the town.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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