Royal Freak Hospital boffin heads Bloodbath in Cumbria Inquiry

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Wednesday, 2 June 2010

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In at the deep end again for Prof Einstein Flintstone!

Whitehaven, Cumbria - (Rioters): "Fare dodgers and stingy tippers, ya?" Prof Einstein Flinstone commented today as news of the Cumbrian cabbie's bloodbath rampage spread across the world.

The eminent psychiatrist was airlifted from Yorkshire to lead a team of forensic shrinks in the Derrick Bird carnage incident.

Flintstone, 97, has to be prised away from his current probe analysing Bradford's Category One Wackjob 'Crossbow Cannibal' Stephen Griffiths.

The Royal Freak Hospital Emeritius Professor of Cynical - er... Clinical! - Psychiatry, was rushed to Whitehaven amid the unfolding bizarre schizoid attack by 52 year-old taxi driver Derrick Bird.

The Whitehaven cabbie opend fire and killed twelve locals, injuring dozens more, bebore subsequently turning the shotgun on himself.

Of course this now means the old Prof won't have to psych him out face to face, after all.

But a spokesman for the Cumbrian Police Service says Flintstone will still lead in the official criminal profiling probe that will report to the Home Office later in the month.

Flintstone's work on psychopathic narcissists has included serial cannibal Jeffrey Dahmer, Yorkshire Ripper Peter Sutcliffe and Mrs Thatcher.

Last weekend his first session with the Bradford Ripper apparently left him feeling 'very queasy' but not one bit surprised.

Renowned criminologist Dr Fergus McShergar will deputise.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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