Jeremy Kyle - the UK version of Jerry Springer - the daytime TV host, has announced that after years of interviewing the scum of the earth for daytime TV he is now prepared to take over from God.
According to sources, Jeremy Kyle has tired of making a healthy living from the bewildered and the bereft, not to mention the intellectually void.
Jeremy's seen it all, from 79 year old lapdancers to 4 year old prostitutes, and he reckons it's time for him to step up to the plate and take over God's job.
After all, God, in all fairness has a heck of a job to do, and He no longer appears to have the necessary clout to tell people to "Get off my stage!" with anything like the degree of panache generated by Jeremy.
As Jeremy himself says, there are always empty seats in church, but no empty seats on The Jeremy Kyle Show, and that while God sometimes struggles to get his message across, Jeremy has no such problem.
Jeremy Kyle has never been accused of sexual harrassment.
More as the secretary gets it from behind.
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