The Luxury ocean going liner, Celebrity Eclipse, docked in Southampton yesterday, back from a mercy mission to pick up 2,000 Costa-loving plebs from Bilbao.
Who had been left stranded by that volcano. You know the one.
Anyway, not surprisingly, the rescue, designed as a goodwill gesture to aid stranded travellers, did not quite pass off without incident.
One crew member complained that the people the ship had rescued were certainly not the calibre of people which one might expect to find on a cruise ship.
Some reports alleged that the ship had run out of lager on the trip back, and that the crew had become frustrated by the constant demand for full English breakfasts, egg sandwiches, bacon rolls, fish and chips and doner kebabs.
"They didn't touch the croissants!" one chef complained.
Security guards on board refused to comment on allegations that drunks had been pissing in the on board pools, throwing up in plant pots and stealing towels.
We were unable to confirm reports a brawl in the ballroom, reportedly started when a young woman 'got her tits out for the lads.'
Most of those rescued on board are said to be from the Southampton area.
Look out for the sparks. They will fly.