History's celebrities line up for Labour

Funny story written by Fergie73

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

image for History's celebrities line up for Labour
Shakespeare: Labour shall ne'er vanquish'd be until Great Birnam Wood comes to Ealing Broadway

Both Labour and the Conservatives today wheeled out a host of historical figures to back their election campaigns and warn about the dangers of a Liberal Democrat win.

In an open letter to the Guardian, some of the top figures from the school history curriculum gave their backing to Gordon Brown for the forthcoming election. The signatries included Henry VIII; Shakespeare; Oliver Cromwell, Chaucer and Queen Victoria. Interviewed later one signatry Homer - the father of literature and creator of such bestsellers as the Illiad and Odyssey said, 'Rule of the many is not good for a populace, and make no mistake, when dawn's rosy fingers caress the morning of May 7th, that is what you will have if you vote Liberal Democrat'.

However both the Lib Dem's Nick Clegg and David Cameron were scathing, particularly over some of the more controversial figures, such as Caligula, the third Roman emperor, and insane megalomaniac. 'It's just typical of this Labour government,' Cameron said, speaking from a shipyard in Brent, 'that they should dredge up a guy famous for humiliating senators and lining his own pocket. A guy who insisted on being treated like a God, no less.' To cheers and applause he carried on, 'Yes, I think we can all see why he appeals to Gordon Brown.'

For their own part, the Tories were relying on the backing of only one or two historical figures, and not the best known. Cameron revealed the support of Jethro Tull, agricultural revolutionary, and inventor of the seed drill. However, most people are aware of him only through the 1970s prog-rock group named after him. He said, 'the countryside has suffered under Labour, and it's time to sow the seeds of change once more. I have a machine for that, if anyone wants it.'

Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg said that support of 'some fusty old guy from the agricultural revolution' showed how out of touch the Tories remain with voters.

The Lib Dems are still be looking for someone better than Heather Mills to boast about.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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