A clothing chain has withdrawn the sale of its range of padded bikini tops for girls as young as seven following criticism.
The company apologised to perverts everywhere for "causing undue excitement" and said it would donate profits to a local sperm bank...in Thailand.
The clothing was criticised for causing "premature ejaculations through unprincipled masturbation".
Conservative leader David Cameron said it was "disgraceful" but later added he was delighted by his own withdrawal.
The £4 bikini sets came in candy pink with gold stars and black with white polka dots. It's unclear as to whether Mr Cameron had bought one himself at the time of going to press...or what colour combination he may have chosen.
Dicky Halfpenny, director of children and young people, said: "We know from our research that commercial pressures towards premature ejaculation and unprincipled masturbation are damaging children's eyes. We don't need to see any more of this".
Mr Halfpenny then tripped over his guide dog and fell in the road...drunk.
