Gordon Brown likened the UK economy to Wayne Rooney's backside during a speech to the Old Trafford Young Mum's Group. Following intense criticism from David 'Dave' Cameron, the Prime Minister came out fighting.
"It's all very well for some upper class ponce to say that the economy needs to improve. I say, look at Wayne Rooney's arse. He's sat on it now, and will be sitting on it for some time to come. However, he will be up and running by the time of the world cup. Possibly. If the economic indicators are right.
"If certain economic tests are met. Our economy is like his arse. Covered in hair and spots. In need of a rest. The economy will recover in time for the world cup. I am confident of that. Almost. This is not a desperate attempt to win votes by talking about football. I am not trying to hide the state of our economy behind Wayne Rooney's backside."
Lord Mandelson is said to be poised to take over from Alistair Darling as Chancellor following the announcement that the economy will now be linked to the body parts of professional sportsmen. The stock market will now operate as the Wayne Rooney index. This morning the Wayne Rooney dropped three points against the Drogba. Meanwhile the Benitez is said to be bottoming out. The Redknapp fell three points against the Mackem and the Zola continues to slide.
Financial reporter Sam Allardyce said "It's a sick parrot market with some over the moon trading. Dealing has been active in two halves with end to end activity."