Lottery funding for army veterans

Funny story written by Hugh Plonnka

Monday, 8 March 2010

image for Lottery funding for army veterans
Veterans outside Morrisons Small Heath in Birmingham

London - There was some cheer for Army veterans early Monday morning when the Big Lottery Fund announced it will be launching its "Forces In Mind" programme later this month, with an initial kitty of £35m.

The programme has been designed to help Army veterans - who are currently struggling with high fuel and food prices, despite their lavish pensions - to pick their numbers, initially for the midweek draw only.

"This is a new innovation" said Dave Lottery, MD of the National Lottery, "so we're trialling it with the midweek draw first."

So how exactly does the programme work?

"It's simple; Army veterans visit the Lottery agent of their choice, and instead of picking their own numbers, they will be able to walk into a camouflaged booth, throw a virtual hand grenade, and then six random numbers will be displayed on screen, which the veteran will be able to jot down and use," continued Lottery. "But we're not guaranteeing we'll be picking the jackpot numbers for them!!" he guffawed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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