Marmite XO: The Extra Strong Yeast Infection Goes On Sale in UK! Customers Holding Their Breath!

Written by Morse

Sunday, 28 February 2010

Hard core Brits are waiting with baited breath (whew) for the long awaited extra strength cracker spread Marmite, which goes on sale early next month in time for St. Patrick's Day.

The much maligned Spread for Bread, around since 1902 , has a strong core of supporters amongst the ranks of beer lovers, as Marmite is the waste product of yeast left over after the brewing procedure.

Yankee slugger Alex Rodriquez, known as A-Rod to baseball fans, swears by Marmite after dating the aging Madonna for a number of months, crediting her for introducing the product which he claims builds endurance, the ability to endure pain, and for speedy cures from rashes on his joint.

A-Rod did point out, however, the regional product was not readily available in the US and he was forced to improvise using Madonna's soiled panties on several occassions.

"Once you get past the smell, it's not really to bad," said the hard hitting gamer. "I used to take her old panties and rub them on my muscle, and if the pain was really bad and led to migraines, I'd wrap them around my head like a babushka and inhale it while I slept. It was kind of like a new version of the old Vicks Inhalers my mother used when I was a kid. But worse! "

The new XO Marmite is said to 4 times stronger due to 28 days of fermentation, as opposed to the usual seven. Connoisseurs are already planning to hoard the vintage first run jars, now available in squeeze bottles, and expect an eventual investment return of 575% as collectors
feel the XO version will have a very short run on store shelves onst people get a real whiff of the stuff.

Meanwhile, Hollywood movie stars, reality show divas, aging liberal politicians, and even Irish minister Mrs. Robinson report thefts are 'on the rise' of their yeast impregnated panties from their clothes hampers.

Scotland Yard suspect the thefts are an inside job perpetrated by people as yet unknown , either with questionable tastes, or for medicinal purposes.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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