According to those who live near New York Yankee slugger known to everyone as A-Rod, has been taking steroids for some time.
Next door neighbor, Bertha Longnose, told a reporter from UP2 that she had witnessed some strange events.
"I've seen him out there taking a quick look around and then lifting the front end of his truck to spray the salt water off the bottom."
"That's nothing", stated her husband, Dizzy. " I was out there behind the house relieving myself when I stopped mowing my yard. It was almost dark and I was in a hurry but when you have to piss you have to. Anyways, A-Rod, who's got an A#1 rod, had the same idea. He may have a good sized rod but his bag looked empty, his balls are so small."
"They're small alright."
"How did you know?"
"You just said so. And I've told you over and over again not to go and crap back there. I usually have to finish the mowing while Dizzy heads for work and I'm sick and tired of running the thing over a big pile. The back of the house is beginning to look like....."
They were still going at it when our reporter left. In fact they were rolling on the ground.
Hope they didn't roll into the back yard.
This is Dan Hilliard, UP2 Ass Reporter.