"Gordon Brown Bullied Immigrants" Reveals Report

Funny story written by Earl Grey

Sunday, 28 February 2010


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Only picking on easy targets

A report investigating bullying at the Yarl's Wood detention center has revealed that Prime Minister Gordon Brown made regular visits. The visits were said to coincide with difficult periods in the PM's life. There is a suggestion that Brown may have taken his frustrations out on detained immigrants.

One inmate at Yarl's Wood, known only as Ms A, said "I was in the exercise yard, walking around, when I heard this voice shouting at me. He said 'I hate you. You are all out to get me. I'm going to unleash the forces of hell on you'. I turned and saw a hideous face, contorted in anger. He pushed me and threatened to hit me. He was then bundled away by a very camp man." It is thought that the woman was only saved by Lord Mandelson's speedy intervention.

Yarl's Wood inmates frequently contacted a bullying help line to complain about an aggressive man with a Scottish accent. One telephone operator told how she heard stories of inmates being forced to listen to speeches about economic forecasts. "It was horrible to listen to. He used to talk to them about quantative easing and post indigenous growth theory. I felt so sorry for them."

Staff at the detention center have increased security in a bid to keep 'Bully Brown' from entering. Regular patrols of the Bedfordshire countryside are being made and police have urged people to report any sightings.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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