Gordon Brown has urged voters to "Vote for me or you'll get a punch" as he unveiled his election campaign themes.
Under the slogan "Do you want some?", he told a rally in Coventry that Labour would be "taking names and kicking the gonads" of those who said he had a gammy eye, or was mental, or was a bully.
And he attacked the Tories, saying they were "stupid and posh".
Tory leader David Cameron said Labour had "badly damaged" the UK "twisting its economic nipples", and "whipping it mercilessly with the towel of debt", while the Lib Dems said there had been a "total failure to make Britain fairer" while conceding that they themselves were "an ineffective perennial also ran" and a "waste of a vote".
The parties reached consensus on the main issues of the week, agreeing that institutionalised bullying is what made Britain great.
A spokesperson for Enjoy Britain - the group charged with making a small, rainy, glum, drunken island appealing to the rest of the world, declared, "From public schools to politics, and happy meals to happy slapping, Britain loves to mercilessly taunt people who can't fight back, and I say god bless it!"
