Local Man is a Hateful Bastard

Funny story written by LisaPisa

Sunday, 7 February 2010

image for Local Man is a Hateful Bastard
HAteful Bastard

Local man Tom Wilbourne, 25, is a complete and utter bastard - or so he claims.

Pissing in neighbours garden's, stealing pocket money and sweets from school children and letting the air out of parked cars are just some of the 'funny little things' he enjoys doing.

The self-proclaimed hateful bastard says he loves himself. He says he thinks he's 'fucking great' and that he's better than everyone else - especially retards, old people and anybody who appears shy and reserved.

He wears t-shirts with pictures of his hateful bastard face on them. He sometimes drives down the road in his battered Nissan Micra and shouts abusive remarks at passing children, cats, dogs and sheep.

"I like calling sheep stupid names like 'stupid sheep' or 'ya big woolly head'", he tells us, "it makes me feel like a big bastard".

Tom goes to local funerals dressed as a clown. He sits at the front and farts all the way through the ceremony.

His fingers are permanently disfigured from his constant V-sign movements.

"Oh, I don't know where we went wrong with him", said his poor mother, "even as a child he would form swear words from his building blocks. He once spelled out the phrase 'lick me arse'. At first we thought he was an idiot savant. Now we just think he's a idiot."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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