For Martin Shuttlecock (booze free since 01/01/10) it promised to be a quiet evening in front of the TV with wife Anne, watching the Sci-Fi movie 'Resident Evil:Extinction in peace, cushioned from the world by modern technology.
But of course it could never last.
The trouble started when actress Milla Jovovich appeared on screen looking tousle haired, as if she'd just got out of bed, wearing stockings and garters and a flimsy white top which served only to emphasize the clearly defined outline of a pair of upstanding nipples, even though the breasts themselves were quite petite.
"I know why you wanted to watch this," Anne Shuttlecock harrumphed.
"Uh? What?" came the reply.
"You fancy her!"
At which point a verbal tennis game erupted with Martin Shuttlecock fending off a string of accusations relating to fancying Milla Jovovich, or indeed any old tart that shows off her nips.
This set was won in a tie-breaker 7-6 when Anne withered Martin by calling him a "dirty lecherous old bastard."
Martin Shuttlecock, desperate to claw his way back into the match, managed to break Anne's service with a forced error. In a scene in which a crowd of crows attacked a convoy, the birds managed to break the windscreen of a vehicle and flock into the vehicle to massacre those inside.
"That could never happen," Shuttlecock declared, delivering a devastating backhand in a bid to draw level on sets.
"Why could it never happen?" came the pugnacious retort.
"Because crows are birds, and no matter how many birds of that size attack a laminated windscreen they'll never break through. Their beaks would simply bounce off because they lack the body mass and the bone density. Their bones are hollow you know."
"I know that," Anne replied, but her return was too weak to make it over the net.
The couple sat in stony silence through the remainder of the evening watching vampires and zombies before retiring to bed for the night.
The police were not called in to mediate.
Hostilities will resume tomorrow when the covers come off.
More as we get it.