Gordon Brown's Year of Disasters

Funny story written by matwil

Wednesday, 30 December 2009

image for Gordon Brown's Year of Disasters

2009 was the most disastrous year for a British Prime Minister since Edward Heath took on the coalminers in 1974, leading to the '3 day-week'. And here is Gordon Brown's Year of Disasters.

January. Many Labour MPs were exposed by a national newspaper as thieves and embezzellers on a massive scale - but kept their jobs as MPs, and weren't even prosecuted for it. Brown himself was exposed as fraudently helping himself to taxpayers' money for a summer house. At least he still spoke like a tough, no-nonsense leader from the South of Scotland, miserable and rude maybe, but trustworthy and decisive. The opposite of Tony Blair.

February. Brown flew to the USA to meet President Obama, and was humiliated when the American clearly hardly knew who he was and didn't want to speak to him for more than a few seconds in public. Polls show that though at least Brown wasn't the despised Blair, ratings for him as PM began to fall rapidly.

March. The PM was so uninterested in the UK and so taken up with dealing with backstabbing colleagues that he wrote to the mother of a dead British soldier, and misspelled his name. And hardly bothered to write legibly and made grammar mistakes - this from a man who easily got an honours degree at university, so must be able to write perfectly well.

April. Support for Labour slid with Brown at the helm, more and more frauds by Labour Ministers were exposed, and he took no real action about it. Labour were massacred in the European elections, coming in third to the UKIP, a party of xenophobic clowns living in 1809.

May. When Barack Obama visited London he almost totally avoided Brown. Labour polls and his own personal ratings fell and fell, people started assuming the next Prime Minister would be David Cameron, a person that only Iain Duncan-Smith and Geoffrey Howe could be more bland and vapid than. Brown suddenly changed his voice and started grinning at people like a slimy lizard, while sounding like Little Lord Fauntelroy with his new 'posh' accent. Voters began to laugh at the fat slug, especially the ones in the South of Scotland - dropping your accent doesn't go down very well with any of the Celtic people.

June. As soldiers kept dying in the Middle East he did nothing about it, nor did he do anything to remove them from Afghanistan. Voters began to despise him even more than Tony Blair as another US poodle, though Barack Obama himself reneged on his promise to withdraw American soldiers from Iraq. Brown became the least popular Labour leader in British history, pretty impressive when the competition includes James Callaghan and Ramsay MacDonald and Tony Blair.

August. Brown no longer talked about anything from then on except what the previous Conservative government had done wrong, Cameron vice versa, seemingly endless expenses frauds were exposed, more soldiers died while not in any way defending the United Kingdom. Brown - and Obama - didn't seem to do anything except grin at cameras and look like insincere lawyers. They are.

September. Didn't do anything, so skip this one.

October. Ditto.

November. Tum tee tum.

December. Started preparing for Christmas - as the worst Prime Minister in living memory, head of a corrupt party with no policies or ideas, a party full of thieves and liars that does whatever the United States tells it to. Harold Wilson must be turning in his grave.

May 2010. David Cameron will become new Prime Minister, Labour will be wiped out at the polls. You've still got time to get a new leader.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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