A nightclub hostess, a cocktail waitress and a Swindon bar manager at the centre of the Tiger Woods affair allegations have said they regret making mistakes.
Rachel Uchitel, 34, Jaimee Grubbs, 24, and Chris Sheals, 45, are among a string of women and gay men linked to the champion golfer before his mystery car crash two weeks ago. Ms Uchitel reportedly sparked a row between the world's highest paid sportsman and his wife before he crashed his Cadillac only 200 yards outside his Florida mansion, which ironically is 100 yards shorter than he can hit a golf ball. Tiger Woods has now been linked with eight women and one man which proves that he manages to play the back nine holes too.
GOLDâDIGGER
"In every story you need a villain and a hero. I've been characterised as a villain," said Ms Uchitel, the New York party girl, talking to OK! magazine. "People have called me home-wrecker, gold digger, tramp, whore. I made mistakes, but I'm not those things. I have good qualities, like swallowing. When you're judged by the nation, it's really difficult. It's horrible, and salty" she went on to say "If he hadn't borrowed Richard Hammond's Sat-Nav, he would never of crashed"
Ms Grubbs, who released a phone message reported to be from Woods asking her to cover up the alleged affair, has apologised to Woods' wife Elin. "I couldn't describe how remorseful I am to have hurt her family and her emotionally," she told US showbiz news programme Extra. But she defended herself by saying: "If it wasn't me, it was going to be the other girls."
Mr Sheals, a Swindon immigrant from Northern Ireland and former terrorist said "I thought Jamiee Grubbs was Tiger's sixty first lover as he frequently commented on me being his sixty second lover.
TRANSGRESSIONS
Father-of-two Tiger Woods, whose name is an anagram of 'Steroid Wog', has not commented directly on the allegations but last week referred to "personal sins" and "transgressions" and apologised for letting his family down. He continued to say "Me and my wife were simply having a disagreement over a game of cards because apparently, a club beats a spade". According to unconfirmed news reports, his wife Elin, who does not take it up the arse, has moved out of the family home and is staying with a friend nearby.
The damage to his previously clean-cut image appears to have begun affecting some of his lucrative endorsements as well as him being one of the first black men ever to crash his own car. Adverts featuring the golfer have apparently disappeared from prime-time TV broadcasts in the US including Gillette whose advertising spokesman quoted the reason to drop the ads because of several factors "First we had Thierry Henry bringing scorn onto the brand name with his infamous handball against the Irish in the World Cup, and now we have Tiger Woods shagging everything from a hostess in a skirt to a bloke wearing the Landlady's knickers, the news about Roger Federer having paedophile tendencies has yet to surface to date so we have decided that Susan Boyle will now be the new face of the Gillette Fusion Razor range. Sports drink maker Gatorade became the first company to drop its endorsement of Woods, although the firm said its decision was made months ago.
The only good news to appear for Woods in light of his actions is that Xbox is to release a new game which is about a black bloke who drives round shagging whores, using violence involving metal bars, crashing his car, and evading police and its going to be called 'Tiger Woods PGA Tour 09'.
SWINGING
A US politician has also retracted his bid to get the sportsman recognised with America's highest civilian honour. California representative Joe Baca had put forward legislation in March calling for Woods to be recognised with a Congressional Gold Medal for promoting good sportsmanship and swinging. But in a statement he said he would no longer be pursuing the honour on Woods' behalf "in light of recent developments" and finding out that Woods had also 'scuttled' his missus whilst he was campaigning for him.
The nine people involved in this sex scandal alongside Rachel Uchitel, a New York nightclub hostess, Jamie Grubbs, a cocktail waitress from Las Vegas and Chris Sheals, an illiterate newspaper editor from Swindon are Kalika Moquin, a Las Vegas club manager, Cori Rist, a swimsuit model and mother from Colorado, Jamie Jungers, a trashy British lingerie employee, Mindy Lawton, an Orlando pancake house assistant, Holly Sampson, a Californian porn star who does double anal and Elin Nordegren, his wife, who doesn't.
