Church issues credit cards

Funny story written by Mark Merton

Saturday, 28 November 2009

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sure way to heaven

Archbishop Rowan Williams will announce at this Sunday's mass at Westminster Abbey that the church will actively help those in financial difficulties to overcome them as soon as possible.

A small army of three thousand volunteers will go door to door in deprived areas of the country and introduce a new credit card with a considerably lower interest rate than major credit cards in use.

The Bishop of London Richard Chartres who is in charge of financial affairs in the Church of England said last night that the new credit card will bear the initials CE for the Church of England and a motto inscribed around the initials for which a competition will be announced before Christmas. The Bishop has also said that the interest rate charged by this new credit card will be 0.0001 less than the highest interest rate on the market.

"Rejoice, you are almost saved" is the word to hear before you open the door to volunteers. People are advised to make sure that they hear those words before opening the door and signing for the new credit card.

There will be a special service at Canterbury Cathedral next Sunday to celebrate this new initiative. This will be a private celebration mass conducted by Archbishop Williams and only the bankers from the City of London will be invited.

Mrs Rose , a banker's wife in Canterbury said to our reporter that this new initiative of the Church of England shows how much they care about their flock, and it's certainly a commendable act. She said:

"Imagine someone knocking on your door and advising you to find peace in the Bible when you are struggling with overdue debts of thousands of Pounds. Would you be relieved? Of course not. But imagine someone offering you a new credit card. You would grab it, wouldn't you? This is what I like about the Church of England. They saw the light and joined the City. Full marks to them."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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