UK commuters were left literally rocking in the aisles today as the train operators revealed the latest excuse for trains running late - and as they say, it's a cracker.
All services were reportedly running late because of 'slippery tracks'!
This excuse even trumps previous lamentable excuses for late running trains, such as 'leaves on the track', 'the wrong kind of snow', 'industrial disputes', 'rats eating the signal wiring', 'trains in the wrong places', and 'antisocial behaviour in a pub somewhere near the tracks'.
UK commuters reacted furiously.
"It's fucking leaf mulch on the tracks again! The dozy bastards!" a passenger at Farnborough Main station told us. '"Slippery tracks my arse! It's fucking leaf mulch again! They should have sorted this out years ago."
We also spoke to an irate passenger in the Solent area who had left the pub in good time for his train, hoping to see the second half of Manchester United v Besiktas, only to find himself waiting in driving rain and gale force winds in what amounts to a bus shelter with no discernible windows, for twenty minutes, in the middle of fucking nowhere, in the dark.
While his train wrangled with the "slippery tracks." in a last ditch effort to make up lost time.
"Wrangle?" the cold, wet, irate commuter told us. "Wrangle my arse. They don't give a toss. And it always seems to happen when United are playing in Europe. The bastards. I reckon they do it on purpose."
More as we get it.