Londoners are lying bastards

Funny story written by justlaw

Sunday, 8 November 2009

image for Londoners are lying bastards
TSG officers encountering liars

The good ol London Public have been declared to be 'lying bastards' by the Metropolitan Police Directorate of Professional Standards.

Of 5241 complaints against London's darlings the Metropolitan Police Territorial support Group, only 9 people were telling the truth. (0.18%)

A Met spokes person confirmed that there were some 5232 lying bastards, making up stuff against their well mannered and lawful officers.

Amongst these perverse allegations are such ridiculous allegations that the police are 'racist, out of control bullyboys'. Of course these complaints remained unsubstantiated fantasies of those lying members of the public.

More worryingly, statisticians estimate that the registered complaints only amount to 10% of the lying bastards in London. Therefore it is estimated that during the course of the year, the Metropolitan Police TSG come into contact with some 25,000 lying Londoners.

The Commissionaire has declared that something must be done to prevent the liars from making their claims. It has been suggested that the complaints system produces so very few substantiated claims that it may as well be non existent. Therefore the proposal is to remove the complaint scheme which merely panders to the lying community of London.

As we very well know, Police do not lie, cheat, steal, rape or in any other way abuse those they come into contact with.

As way of example, one TSG officer was subjected to scurrilous lies that he subjected Asian youths to a physical and verbal attack while on patrol in a police van in west London in June 2007. Thankfully, he was cleared in court.

The officer was caught out however when allegations against him in relation to an earlier attack on Babar Ahmad were confirmed. The striking similarity in attacks is of course just a mere coincidence.

In general, he is a model TSG officer of whom the Metropolitan Police are rightly proud.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more