Cameron Rejects Populist Vote

Funny story written by Christopher Hall

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

image for Cameron Rejects Populist Vote
Michael Foot, who turned 196 last week, "the best manifestos need not be popular"

Mr Cameron was today faced with growing furor within his party over whether a future Conservative Government would offer the British people a vote on the Lisbon Treaty.

The subject has been widely publicized since Boris Johnson's performance at the recent Conservative Party conference in which he again castigated the Labour Government's broken promise to offer a referendum, and it is clear from recent polls that the public appear mainly in support of Mr Johnson's position.

In his press release Mr Cameron went further than expected, insisting that he had no intention of offering populist policies and promises just for the sake of short term vote swings.

"No, no, no," Mr Cameron retorted, "my future government will withhold any vote on the EU treaty if it is clear that a referendum would be favorable with voters, and the same goes for tax and spend policies.

"We can't be having a future Conservative Government elected on popular measures -- tough decisions are what is needed and if that means a cold shower for voters then so be it.

"To show clearly our commitment to lowering the national debt, there will be cuts in spending in all areas where voters will notice it most, including schools, health, education and transport.

"On carbon tax, we will ensure fuel for cars and home heating goes through the roof. People will really feel the pinch. Big bad business, the backbone of the economy, will pay through the nose; banks will be nationalized through the biggest tax grab this nation has ever seen, so driving jobs and the finance sector off shore; there will be no more benefits for anyone at all except for our war heroes who, along with their families and distant relations will receive unlimited remuneration.

"MPs will be required to work for absolutely no pay what so ever for 5 years, and if they refuse to do so then they will be sent to work abroad in far away countries such as Romania, Bolivia, Wales or Scotland."

Concluding, Mr Cameron was asked whether surely he didn't mean that he would be actively alienating both core and wavering Conservative voters. In his reply, Mr Cameron said that voters wanted to see a sincere and honest Conservative party and in projecting this image it was paramount the Conservatives were seen to be as absolutely unattractive as ever they have been.

Comparing his cause with that of Michael Foot and the Labour manifesto of 1983, Cameron closed in praise of Foot's most noble and honest intentions for what clearly spelled out the right dose of medicine for Britain at that time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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