Today Esther Rantzen launched her campaign to be Member of Parliament for Luton South. Rantzen, famous for hosting TV's That's Life, believes that she is the ideal candidate for Luton. The town has been voted the most crap town in the UK and That's Life was the biggest load of shit to ever be broadcast, so she may well have a point.
We went to the Arndale Centre, a big grey slab of concrete in the middle of Luton, to gage public opinion. Mr Brian Fannyfart said "This place is just full of Pakis so I don't know what she can do." We quickly moved away from Mr Fannyfart in search of more congenial company. Lucy Bucketminge said "I think it's bleeding marvelous. It will help put Luton on the map." On being informed that Luton was already on the map she replied "See, she's already achieved so much."
Rantzen is standing because the incumbent MP, Margaret Moran, is tainted by the current expenses scandal. Apparently, Moran lives in far off Southampton, which is one of the key issues in Rantzen's campaign. Asked if she was going to move to Luton, Rantzen replied "No I fucking wont. It's a shithole and I am only using these gullible people so I can rush a book out about the whole thing."
Rantzen is famous because a dog once said "Sausages".